Can hopes and dreams come true?

I had my followup appointment with my surgeon (an RE) today. While she is not my RE, she works at the same clinic.

She confirmed stage 4, and that I had tons of adhesions. My bowel was completely attached to my uterus. She separated them. There were tons of ovarian cysts too, she left those as per my instructions because I did not want to compromise any more ovarian reserve. Drained the fluid in my hydrosalpinges, and then clipped them.

And then she told me that since my RE was in the office, she would just be back to see if we could start my first IVF cycle next month. :cheer:

So it's official... I call in with my day one. I am about 2 weeks away I think. From there, they will put me on the pill for one cycle to try to calm down my endometriosis. The following day one will be my official cycle where we try for as many eggs as possible!

Definitely what I was hoping for, and I wanted to hug my surgeon for bringing this up so I didn't have to.

She also gave me a copy of my OR report, and showed me some photos that she took on her iPhone of the screen :lol:

So yeah, extremely excited about it. I really hope I am 'lucky' and it works the first time.

A new day

Just wanted to thank everyone for their kind comments, thoughts, and prayers for me.

The big news is that I still have not gotten my period. I know it could just be stressed, but I really don't think I was that stressed before the surgery. Could it be the supplements? I am going to email the naturopath today to see what she thinks, but I don't think it is.

I can not help but think about perimenopause. It is my deepest, darkest fear.

If I do not get my period by Thursday, I am going to call my doctor and she will run some more blood work.

I spent a relaxing weekend with J and the dog. I managed to keep pretty busy Saturday. I am so lucky to have such a loving, caring husband. He really did pamper me and do and say everything I could have hoped for.

What do I do when I feel sad? What can cheer me up?

Food and retail therapy.

First, I decided to throw the non-gluten, no red meat, no dairy out the window since the surgery got cancelled. We had a nice, romantic evening at our favourite Italian restaurant on Saturday night. And I had the most fantastic puff pastry for Sunday brunch at a local French bistro. It was heaven. Really.

J and I took yesterday off and we went cross border shopping. I splurged and bought some much needed clothes in my effort to update my wardrobe and incorporate more colour.

Alas, my weekend is over and I am back on my diet.

Looking forward, I am going to bury myself into doing what I need to do before my new surgery date of May 3(sorry, I got the date wrong in the last post). I also told J that we are also going to paint the house.

With a full time job, two evening courses, three volunteer event committees, and picking the paint colours... I think I am going to be busy for a while.

And I am REALLY going to lose 10 pounds before my surgery. Treadmill tomorrow morning!

I am not alone

I have a few good friends who are going through the same crazy journey. The sad reality is that 1 in 6 couples in Ontario have suffered or are suffering from infertility.

There is comfort though, in numbers. I can't even count the number of times something has happened that I've had to vent. "Can you believe that person was so insensitive by barraging me with questions on why I'm not pregnant yet?" or "I had a rough night last night, and then today everywhere there were baby strollers."

And yes, there are those moments where the walls seem to be crumbling down around me and where I think that I cannot take it anymore. The days where I am emotionally and physically exhausted and I want to quit.

In those dark times, I am so lucky to have a couple of friends who hold me up. Because of their own journeys, they know what to say (and what not to say). They remind me of things that I have said to them in THEIR dark times. They keep me sane.

I will be forever indebted to their love, support, and understanding through these times. And I am happy to report that one of these dear friends is pregnant! It has completely filled me with renewed optimism for this long and difficult process.

She posted a special blog post for me and posted two videos which had me in tears (in a good way) after I had a difficult holiday. Love you!

I share with you one of the videos, and hope that those reading will be filled with optimism and hope for the future. It is, of course fitting, that it is a Céline Dion song given her own struggle.