I am the infertile elephant in the room

The holidays are tough with my sister-in-law being pregnant. And I am PMSing so this is going to be a pity party post.

Of course I oohed and aahed at the sight of her beautiful 30-week bump, perfectly round. She's horrified she weighs so much now (which incidentally is my current weight). HORRIFIED.

When each guest arrived, the attention peaked to a fever pitch. Her due date is the same as your daughter's birthday? Uncanny. My plans for July 1st... I will be barren. Stripped of parts like some beaten old jalopy.

I am not a selfish person, but there is only so much I could take and I had to walk away from most of these conversations as they started.

Sometimes I would walk a few steps and join the older women on the other side of the kitchen and help them with dinner. Other times I'd cross the room to the living room and join the men watching the hockey game.

I hate standing out, and I felt like the infertile elephant in the room. I don't expect them to NOT have these conversations because it is a joyful time - I just couldn't be present for every one of them.

We have started to make plans for her shower. It will be a joint co-hosting gig between J's aunt and myself (as the loving godmother). The good thing is that as co-host I am sure I will be really busy running around, hopefully limiting the 'why aren't you pregnant yet' comments from the other women (many who I only see at family weddings).

I am already thinking about self-medicating. I haven't decided between acupuncture, alcohol, chamomile tea or Rescue Remedy!