Friday, February 25, 2011


I love to self-diagnose, but I know I shouldn't. But here it is anyways... I have a migraine.

Wow my head hurts. I also have NO desire to eat. I didn't have time for breakfast. I bought my lunch (a salad) and it's sitting beside me half eaten.

This is REALLY abnormal for me. I -love- to eat. I have no desire for anything right now.

I've been doing some reading (anyone who knows me knows I tend to research the crap out of things online) and it is definitely a migraine. My neck was really stiff one-two days ago (a common symptom in the prodome phase). No aura phase although I do feel that my sight is a bit blurry. The aura phase only happens in 20% of cases.

I am in the headache phase now but easing towards the postdrome phase. The site below describes all of the phases, and I love this symptom in the postdrome phase - "lowered intellect" :)

I hope this is a one time thing and not something that is going to occur regularly when AF arrives. I also hope that this has nothing to do with perimenopause, which it could. Because I am not ready for menopause.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Last cycle

AF is here, and as usual I am in quite a bit of pain.

I can't help but be a little down today. Today is Day 1 of my last cycle where I can get pregnant naturally. After this cycle, I will get my useless, blocked tubes clipped and it will have to be IVF from there.

I know it's technically not very likely that I would get pregnant naturally but the hope is still there month to month.

I am trying to look forward to the future, but I can't help but think of the what ifs and I should have done thats of the past. Hopefully I will be strong enough to not let it affect me these next few weeks before my surgery.

Speaking of which - I have decided not to tell my parents and sister about the surgery. I know what some might say, but they would not support me since I am doing it purely for the reason of getting pregnant. My mother and I had a blow up argument when I visited last weekend where she said some very hurtful things which I care not to repeat. I certainly do not feel that I owe her anything.

My sister has never been supportive. She only sees it one way - her way. She has no desire to have children, and thus does not comprehend my drive to be a mother.

My father is my sweetheart. He may not understand my reasons and try to talk me out of it, but would completely be there when he realized I've made up mind. I just don't want to worry him and make him withhold information from my mother (he would probably tell her despite my request).

Luckily, I don't have time to dwell to much on this. I have the day off from my boring 9-5 job to do something that I love to do - planning an event. I'm on my way to the train station to go to a winery for a site visit for an event in September.

Friday, February 18, 2011

IV therapy, and the bitches

I went to my naturopath yesterday. This time, she did acupuncture, and then gave me an IV of a very orange-coloured cocktail of liquid vitamins and supplements. Apparently, she mixed in a bit of Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Vitamin C, magnesium, l-glutathione, and l-arginine. I'm probably missing some in there.

I didn't feel any different afterwards. Total fluid = 25 ml. We will do this all over again two weeks from now.

In other news, (TMI) she failed to tell me that my new vitamins would turn my urine a very deep yellow. Yowsers. I thought I wasn't getting enough water for a second before I realized perhaps my $125 a month supplement habit was to blame! Things your naturopath should tell you...

A bit crampy today. It's day 22. I have given up that this means anything at all. Just my endo flaring up and causing me grief. I did cheat and have a turkey burger last night since I was out with my husband for dinner (complete with a yummy hamburger bun) so maybe it's my body screaming GLUTEN! GLUTEN! How could you?!?

I imagine my body talks to me. I have vengeful, bitchy ovaries. I just need them for one successful IVF cycle and then they can do what they want!!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Visit with a friend

Last weekend, some friends came by for a visit along with their 3 month old and 4 year old.

I will admit... I normally have a problem holding other people's babies. Part of it is because I fear I won't hold the baby properly. Part of it is because I don't know how I'm going to react.

When people bring their babies to work, I do go up and make pleasantries with the parents and ooh and ahh with the rest. When offered to hold the baby, I politely decline saying something along the lines of I'm just getting over a cold, or make a joke and say maybe when the baby is older and less breakable.

Basically, I protect myself so I don't end up in the washroom crying and feeling sorry for myself. I have a friend that also thrust his baby on me at a wedding. Literally threw him in my lap. That situation did not make me happy because it was at a time where I was having some issues with my infertility.

Anyways - so this visit was perfect. The baby was there, looking all cute and after being propped up against the pillows on the couch for a bit by my friend, I scooped her up.

It felt so good.

Just remembering the experience has me teary eyed as I type this. The baby looked up at me and smiled and gurgled and I fell in love. How could I not?

With two people pregnant around me who I am really close with, I think this is a positive step in the right direction. As someone with avoidance issues, I think the visit helped me address some feelings when seeing friends' babies. It will probably be a mental hurdle for me to see the babies for the first time, I will be honest - but I know once I take their little ones in my arms I will feel the same gush of love and happiness that they are a part of my life.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Naturopath visit

Last Thursday I went to see a new naturopath. I went to one a few years ago, but maxed out my work coverage for the year pretty quickly and never got around to booking another appointment.

This naturopath specializes in fertility. She took my history and we chatted about everything including eating habits, work and family life. Feeling my pulse, she told me I have too much 'heat' which everyone always tells me (naturopath #1 and my acupuncturist) Apparently I need to work on my liver. I'm pretty sure that was the shiraz I had the night before!

I am going to continue seeing her since it's covered. She gave me a list of supplements to take, as well as emphasizing a no gluten, no sugar diet. Considering I am doing no red meat and no dairy... eating out is hard, but she said I can cheat twice a week.

I am starting a fertility bill of what I am paying for 2011. You can see it on the right!

I've ordered my supplements from and have saved a ton of money by buying online and not at local health food stores. For the curious, here is what she's put me on:

Progressive for Adult Women multivitamin 3x daily
Indole-3-Carbinol 400 mg
Coenzyme Q10 1200 mg
Choline and Inositol 500 mg
Vitamin D drops 2000 IU
Nutrasea Fish Oil 2 tbsp
Folic Acid 5 mg

Total cost for 4 months supply: $476.97 (chaching!)

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Cha ching

Many people don't realize how expensive fertility treatments are.

I am lucky in that I have double coverage for fertility medications which totals approximately $5,000. Unfortunately, that is a little more than one IUI cycle for me, because I am a poor responder given my decreased ovarian reserve.

I don't know yet how much my fertility drugs will be for my IVF cycle, but I have decided that I am not going to skimp this year on anything.

It goes against the grain, a bit. My previous fertility clinic quoted me $13,000 for one cycle of IVF. If that is accurate, and if my first IVF doesn't work, I'm looking at $26,000 of drugs and procedures in one year. Ouch.

The good news is that I am pretty financially conservative and so we have some savings. We also have a huge mortgage that we have not been prepaying because of the whole IVF bill looming above our heads.

I do tend to scrimp. We go to No Frills for groceries. I tend to only buy clothes as I need them (meaning my wardrobe is lacking, to say the least). I avoid the malls so that I'm not tempted.

I do splurge on a few items. I love traveling, and so we tend to do one trip a year. Last year, we went to Halifax and loved it. It was a perfect time for us to reconnect.

I also love to eat out, although I have been doing it less since I've been trying to eat healthier and stick to the endo diet.

So why spend in a year where money is completely flowing out of my bank account?

I need to relax. I can be a little high strung sometimes, sweating the small stuff which is NOT good for me. And I am SO lucky to be in the position that I can spend a bit.

That doesn't mean I'm going to buy a Harley. But it does mean I'm thinking about Paris. I've been before, but J hasn't and I know he would love it.

I am thinking we will go after the first IVF, successful or not. If it is successful, then we'll go as long as I feel up to it and the doctors OK it. If not, then it will serve as a stepping stone for IVF #2. Regardless of the outcome, I think I deserve this trip and so it's going to happen!

I think I will blog more about finances. I'm going to hunt down my receipts and credit card bills to see just exactly how much this fertility journey has cost us so far (scary thought).