Last weekend, some friends came by for a visit along with their 3 month old and 4 year old.
I will admit... I normally have a problem holding other people's babies. Part of it is because I fear I won't hold the baby properly. Part of it is because I don't know how I'm going to react.
When people bring their babies to work, I do go up and make pleasantries with the parents and ooh and ahh with the rest. When offered to hold the baby, I politely decline saying something along the lines of I'm just getting over a cold, or make a joke and say maybe when the baby is older and less breakable.
Basically, I protect myself so I don't end up in the washroom crying and feeling sorry for myself. I have a friend that also thrust his baby on me at a wedding. Literally threw him in my lap. That situation did not make me happy because it was at a time where I was having some issues with my infertility.
Anyways - so this visit was perfect. The baby was there, looking all cute and after being propped up against the pillows on the couch for a bit by my friend, I scooped her up.
It felt so good.
Just remembering the experience has me teary eyed as I type this. The baby looked up at me and smiled and gurgled and I fell in love. How could I not?
With two people pregnant around me who I am really close with, I think this is a positive step in the right direction. As someone with avoidance issues, I think the visit helped me address some feelings when seeing friends' babies. It will probably be a mental hurdle for me to see the babies for the first time, I will be honest - but I know once I take their little ones in my arms I will feel the same gush of love and happiness that they are a part of my life.