When I left the hospital, the doctor gave me a prescription for Tylenol 3s. I filled it, knowing I wasn't going to use them but thought 'just in case'.
I'm glad I did. While I didn't use them immediately after my surgery, AF is here and fiercer than ever.
It is a completely different type of pain. It's like someone has their foot on my crouch, and is yanking my ovaries down and out. Tug, tug, yank.
I bared the pain for a couple of days and then gave up and took the T3s.
Really really hoping this is not going to be added to my monthly gift. I don't know if I can deal with the endo pain on top of this.
Showing posts with label tubal ligation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tubal ligation. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Spoken word poetry
Today as I was browsing YouTube I happened upon a clip of a man doing spoken word. He said a line that struck a chord in me - so much so that I had to rush here to get my thoughts down.
The poet was speaking of his battle with cancer. The piece is called "The Waiting Hour".
In exactly seven days, I will be naked on an operating table getting my tubes clipped and possibly removed. I had this surgery scheduled in April of last year, but ended up canceling it a few weeks. Why? I was scared. I was angry that this was my only course of action. I was running away from reality. I thought two years of trying unsuccessfully wasn't enough, that I needed some time, that my tubes would work if I would only just give them a second chance.
I wasn't ready to lose a part of me. I see that now.
I am no longer running away. In seven days, I will be losing a part of me but will gain a better chance that IVF will work.
If we do conceive through IVF, I will give life and gain a babe in arms. I will not lie to you. Having a baby will make me whole again.
If we do not conceive through IVF, it will be devastating BUT I know that somewhere down the road, I will come to terms with it. Maybe not on a year, or even two. But I will find myself - babe or not.
Living with infertility eats you up. I feel like my empty womb takes up 30% of my body, my mind, my soul. Regardless of the outcome, this surgery is the right step to finding myself, as a happy mother or a healed, childless woman.
Sometimes you have lose a part of you to find your whole self.
The poet was speaking of his battle with cancer. The piece is called "The Waiting Hour".
In exactly seven days, I will be naked on an operating table getting my tubes clipped and possibly removed. I had this surgery scheduled in April of last year, but ended up canceling it a few weeks. Why? I was scared. I was angry that this was my only course of action. I was running away from reality. I thought two years of trying unsuccessfully wasn't enough, that I needed some time, that my tubes would work if I would only just give them a second chance.
I wasn't ready to lose a part of me. I see that now.
I am no longer running away. In seven days, I will be losing a part of me but will gain a better chance that IVF will work.
If we do conceive through IVF, I will give life and gain a babe in arms. I will not lie to you. Having a baby will make me whole again.
If we do not conceive through IVF, it will be devastating BUT I know that somewhere down the road, I will come to terms with it. Maybe not on a year, or even two. But I will find myself - babe or not.
Living with infertility eats you up. I feel like my empty womb takes up 30% of my body, my mind, my soul. Regardless of the outcome, this surgery is the right step to finding myself, as a happy mother or a healed, childless woman.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
More menstrual pain?
I have been doing some more research on tubal ligation, and I was shocked to read that in some patients, there can be more menstrual pain.
Like I need that!
It's kind of amazing what I've done to my body in order to get pregnant. I have no doubt that the months of injecting hormones have escalated my endometriosis. Although recently I've been having way more good emotional days than bad ones, I will admit that my mental state sometimes is not the best.
I just have to keep telling myself that through all this pain, having my baby in my arms will be worth it.
Like I need that!
It's kind of amazing what I've done to my body in order to get pregnant. I have no doubt that the months of injecting hormones have escalated my endometriosis. Although recently I've been having way more good emotional days than bad ones, I will admit that my mental state sometimes is not the best.
I just have to keep telling myself that through all this pain, having my baby in my arms will be worth it.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Appointment with surgeon
I had my pre-op appointment with my surgeon yesterday. She was running 30 minutes behind, so I had some time to flip through the magazines in the waiting room. There was an ad in one of the fertility magazines for a place in Washington DC (Shady Grove Fertility Clinic) that has a donor egg program. Uhh... yeah it's expensive.
For one cycle, it's $30,500 if you want to use all of the cycle's eggs for yourself. If you share it, it would be $19,700 between two people or $17,800 between three. Egg totals = about 18. If you don't get pregnant... no refund.
Interestingly enough, you have the choice of buying 6 cycles, and if you don't get pregnant they will refund you your money back. Costs are $57,500/$42,000/$34,000.
We are so not at this stage (nor do I really think given the costs we would entertain this) but it is good information to know.
The appointment itself was good - my surgeon is great, and is part of the same fertility clinic as my doctor. The only reason why my doctor is not doing it is because we want to do the surgery ASAP and her colleague has some surgery time open. We discussed not doing anything else but the tubes, but she said that she may have to do some stuff to get at the tubes. She also asked if it wouldn't affect ovarian reserve, if she could remove the tubes and I said yes (since if we just leave the tubes in there, that horrible toxic fluid is still in my body).
The other bit of news that came out of my appointment is that she confirmed she would want me to have one cycle before I do IVF. Since I will be on or about my Day 2... I wonder if this means I need to wait another full cycle, or if I can start and the end of the current one? I will call and ask.
I requested that they do another FSH test on this cycle's Day 3. I haven't heard the results yet. I really really hope that the other test was a fluke, and that my levels are normal!
For one cycle, it's $30,500 if you want to use all of the cycle's eggs for yourself. If you share it, it would be $19,700 between two people or $17,800 between three. Egg totals = about 18. If you don't get pregnant... no refund.
Interestingly enough, you have the choice of buying 6 cycles, and if you don't get pregnant they will refund you your money back. Costs are $57,500/$42,000/$34,000.
We are so not at this stage (nor do I really think given the costs we would entertain this) but it is good information to know.
The appointment itself was good - my surgeon is great, and is part of the same fertility clinic as my doctor. The only reason why my doctor is not doing it is because we want to do the surgery ASAP and her colleague has some surgery time open. We discussed not doing anything else but the tubes, but she said that she may have to do some stuff to get at the tubes. She also asked if it wouldn't affect ovarian reserve, if she could remove the tubes and I said yes (since if we just leave the tubes in there, that horrible toxic fluid is still in my body).
The other bit of news that came out of my appointment is that she confirmed she would want me to have one cycle before I do IVF. Since I will be on or about my Day 2... I wonder if this means I need to wait another full cycle, or if I can start and the end of the current one? I will call and ask.
I requested that they do another FSH test on this cycle's Day 3. I haven't heard the results yet. I really really hope that the other test was a fluke, and that my levels are normal!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Surgery date is set
My surgery date is set for March 25. I was actually thinking about delaying it to April and getting my fertility specialist to do it, but I've come to the conclusion that there might be a small part of me that thought that out of avoidance.
I've decided to just go ahead with the original date. At first I was thinking that I wanted more time to try naturally before clipping my tubes and being done with natural fertility forever. And then I snapped back to reality. After three years, do I really need a few more months? I have just been fooling myself. My tubes are blocked. If I do get pregnant, there is a high chance that I will have an ectopic pregnancy, and that would just be awful. So bye bye tubes!
The doctor that will perform the surgery is from the same fertility clinic, and although I have yet to meet her, I'm sure she will be just fine to clip my tubes. I know someone that works at the hospital and she has nothing but good things to say about her, so that is good news.
I had a wonderful weekend including a dinner with my dear friend Sarah from The Rocky Road to Motherhood (who I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about since I talk about her every other post!) How can I not be hopeful for the future when I see her growing belly? She dusted me with baby dust and a belly rub, because that was done to her the month before she did her successful IVF.
I've decided to just go ahead with the original date. At first I was thinking that I wanted more time to try naturally before clipping my tubes and being done with natural fertility forever. And then I snapped back to reality. After three years, do I really need a few more months? I have just been fooling myself. My tubes are blocked. If I do get pregnant, there is a high chance that I will have an ectopic pregnancy, and that would just be awful. So bye bye tubes!
The doctor that will perform the surgery is from the same fertility clinic, and although I have yet to meet her, I'm sure she will be just fine to clip my tubes. I know someone that works at the hospital and she has nothing but good things to say about her, so that is good news.
I had a wonderful weekend including a dinner with my dear friend Sarah from The Rocky Road to Motherhood (who I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about since I talk about her every other post!) How can I not be hopeful for the future when I see her growing belly? She dusted me with baby dust and a belly rub, because that was done to her the month before she did her successful IVF.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Not a good day
I was thinking this morning that I was going to post something upbeat and/or funny, since it's been all doom and gloom so far.
Alas, today is not the day.
I had my followup appointment with my RE today. Not good news.
1. My Day 3 FSH was 11.0... It's never been that high! She would like to have seen it under 10.
2. My Anti-Mullerian Hormone test came back (this measures ovarian reserve)... and it's low. Low ovarian reserve.
She agrees with all of the findings that both my tubes are blocked, and recommends either clipping of my Fallopian tubes or Essure coils. The coils are inserted into the end of the Fallopian tubes, and the body naturally scars over it creating the closure. It takes 3 months for it to scar.
I've been reading about the coils since I got home, and I'm pretty sure I don't want them in my body. I've read stories where they failed to close the tubes after 6 months, where they've fallen out, or caused side effects and people have had to get them removed. Uh.. no thanks.
So it's a clipping we shall go. Next surgery date for my RE is April... she's going to see if one of her colleagues can do it sooner. Normally I'd wait for her but I think given my low reserve it's time to finally get this show on the road.
I was so upset after I left the doctor's office I almost threw up. I am at home now, 'working from home' because I didn't want to go to work and cry at my desk. As it was, I cried on the subway ride home.
Alas, today is not the day.
I had my followup appointment with my RE today. Not good news.
1. My Day 3 FSH was 11.0... It's never been that high! She would like to have seen it under 10.
2. My Anti-Mullerian Hormone test came back (this measures ovarian reserve)... and it's low. Low ovarian reserve.
She agrees with all of the findings that both my tubes are blocked, and recommends either clipping of my Fallopian tubes or Essure coils. The coils are inserted into the end of the Fallopian tubes, and the body naturally scars over it creating the closure. It takes 3 months for it to scar.
I've been reading about the coils since I got home, and I'm pretty sure I don't want them in my body. I've read stories where they failed to close the tubes after 6 months, where they've fallen out, or caused side effects and people have had to get them removed. Uh.. no thanks.
So it's a clipping we shall go. Next surgery date for my RE is April... she's going to see if one of her colleagues can do it sooner. Normally I'd wait for her but I think given my low reserve it's time to finally get this show on the road.
I was so upset after I left the doctor's office I almost threw up. I am at home now, 'working from home' because I didn't want to go to work and cry at my desk. As it was, I cried on the subway ride home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)