Last cycle

AF is here, and as usual I am in quite a bit of pain.

I can't help but be a little down today. Today is Day 1 of my last cycle where I can get pregnant naturally. After this cycle, I will get my useless, blocked tubes clipped and it will have to be IVF from there.

I know it's technically not very likely that I would get pregnant naturally but the hope is still there month to month.

I am trying to look forward to the future, but I can't help but think of the what ifs and I should have done thats of the past. Hopefully I will be strong enough to not let it affect me these next few weeks before my surgery.

Speaking of which - I have decided not to tell my parents and sister about the surgery. I know what some might say, but they would not support me since I am doing it purely for the reason of getting pregnant. My mother and I had a blow up argument when I visited last weekend where she said some very hurtful things which I care not to repeat. I certainly do not feel that I owe her anything.

My sister has never been supportive. She only sees it one way - her way. She has no desire to have children, and thus does not comprehend my drive to be a mother.

My father is my sweetheart. He may not understand my reasons and try to talk me out of it, but would completely be there when he realized I've made up mind. I just don't want to worry him and make him withhold information from my mother (he would probably tell her despite my request).

Luckily, I don't have time to dwell to much on this. I have the day off from my boring 9-5 job to do something that I love to do - planning an event. I'm on my way to the train station to go to a winery for a site visit for an event in September.