Tuesday, January 25, 2011

To share or not to share?

I am an extremely open person. As such, most of the people in my life know about what I am going through... from co-workers, to family, to friends.

I decided to reveal my journey to them for two reasons. First, it stopped the potentially hurtful questions of "So when are you going to have a baby?" I know you women have come up with many fantastic comebacks that I dream I could say... but the reality is, all I could muster would be, "Oh, we're not in a rush" or "Not now, maybe later". Which would invariably mean they would tell me not to wait too long, how their kids are the joy of their life. I'd nod, and depending on my mood just ignore the conversation or wallow in self-pity on the way home.

So I decided telling people would be better. And it is for sure. I don't get scared at co-worker's baby showers anymore. When my brother-in-law announced her pregnancy on Christmas Eve, there weren't questions on where was OUR announcement. It has made things easier, especially since I can be extra sensitive about these things.

Of course, there are drawbacks. When someone makes comments that hurt and they know of your troubles, it's hard to excuse them. I try to remember that sometimes 'they know not what they say'. I do not need to be reminded three times in one sitting that you got pregnant on your first try. I am happy for you, but that simple fact is a dagger in my heart.

The other reason why I tell others is I think it's important to put a face to infertility. There is no shame in what I am going through. To many, IVF is a procedure done by crazy women wanting to have 8 babies and get their own reality show.

So I tell those that will listen.

My dilemma now is to reveal this blog to loved ones. I have a close friend who I share a lot of my thoughts with who has done IVF numerous times and is going to try one, final time before calling it quits. Do I share with her? I know I have many caring friends who want to know all the gory details. What about them?

My gut tells me not to reveal it. That I need this space as my own, where I can bitch and complain and curse and not worry about who is reading it.


  1. I don't even let my husband read this even though he knows all about it. I figure he doesn't need to hear even more about all this than he already does... it keeps us both saner.


  2. I have been wondering about telling my family about my blog, too. They know I am going through IVF right now and, I talk to them about it pretty much everyday. But I like having the blog to myself - and sometimes I complain about things they did. I worry I would think too much and censor myself a little if I told my family and friends about the blog. However, they have no idea what being infertile is really like - and I think they would understand me better if I shared it with them. I don't know. I haven't shared it but sometimes I am tempted.

  3. I still haven't shared my blog but, I sent my family your letter. It is so well put and explains so well what it feels like being infertile. Thanks for sharing it with us. I gave you an award on my blog.