Surgery cancelled

I'm supposed to be groggy and drugged up and in pain writing this blog entry to let you know things went well, and I'm on the next step of this crazy infertility journey.

Instead, my tubes live another day.

In the end, after 3.5 hours in the waiting room with my gown and booties on, the doctor came to get me. Great, I thought - let's get this show on the road!

She took us to a room and started out by saying "I have some bad news for you" and I said "Oh, someone told us already." And she said, "Someone told you the surgery has been cancelled?"

Cue the jaw drop.

Of course, I thought she was going to tell me about the BFN. Nope. No surgery for me.

J immediately handed me a Kleenex because he knew what was about to happen. I saw the doctor glance to see what he was doing. She continued on her apology that there was someone that urgently needed the surgery room early in the morning, which bumped back all the patients and bumped me OFF the list for today.

I managed to get out "OK, I understand, of course" before the tears started pouring down my face.

She said she would bump another one of her patients for me for her next surgery date... May 2nd. One month away.

I know she really felt bad. She left. I cried in J's arms.

When I left the room and went back to get dressed, the nurses were all apologetic. I'm pretty sure the doctor told them how upset I took the news. Even if they didn't, I'm sure they could see it on my face.

J and I continued to take the day off. We went and had lunch. We went to the mall hand in hand and window shopped. I called my parents and my boss to tell them the change in plans.

And so here I am, now at home, the same as when I left home this morning. It has been a roller coaster of a ride today, with the BFP expired sticks, BFN blood test, and then the cancelled surgery.

Through it all - no AF. I am pretty sure she will come tonight with a vengeance and make it a trifecta of really crappy things to happen today.

Going to nap now. Thanks for listening - it really does help to get everything out in writing.